During the course of life, we live, love, lose. At some point we get hurt. Sometimes that bruise just doesn't heal. We can't bring ourselves to love again, thinking about the same ramifications. Some people have multiple wounds. Some just forget how blissful love is.
We don't feel like being vulnerable again. We don't feel like taking the plunge again. The days of the rollercoaster seem over. The words "soul" and "mate" can only be used at an Australian bar with a soul food buffet. The heart can no longer decide. Love is benched.
Everyday I am given another reason by life, another reason to not believe. The horizon isn't in sight, the boat is empty and the sky is starless. I just keep rowing.
Why do we need to be reminded time and again about what we mean to other people?
Why do we drift away from what we once called happiness?
Why do people change? Change for the worse?
Why don't we just let love in?
Goo Goo Dolls - Let Love In
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
It happens only in Kurla...
I start to think about having dinner, when the phone rings and I am told that the train arrives in an hour. I get ready and leave. Me and Jigar somehow find the Kurla Terminus which is located in some "khopchi" of Mumbai. At the Terminus, the first thing that I see is millions of people. At least it looked like millions. There was no road. There were people walking, people spitting, people sleeping, rickshaws parked, rickshaw drivers arguing, taxiwalas abusing each other left and right. There was a hint of a terminus, and five platforms. People camping on the floors, the toilets looking like gutters, the stalls looking like toilets, the telephone booths looking like stalls. From Illinois Terminal to Kurla Terminus. Wah!
I see an old man walking in the middle of the 'road' with a stick. I put an arm around him and took him to the side, saying, "Uncle, side mein aa jao. Gaadi lag jayegi." (Uncle, please come aside. You might get hit by a car). His smile was worth millions.
We tired to look for the ticket office. Supposedly we needed a platform ticket. The queue went on for miles. There were approximately 235 people standing in the line. It would have taken us about an hour to get to the counter and purchase the 2 rupee ticket. The train was scheduled to arrive in 25 mins.
Jigar said, "Ab kya?" (What now?)
"We'll go without the ticket onto the platform, what else?" was my answer.
"Paagal hai kya?" (Are you mad?)
"No other option, boss. We'll pay the fine. Whatever it is. 100-120 rupees."
Suddenly I had a wild idea. I told him to wait while I bugged the station master. I knocked and entered. He was on the phone but entertained me. "Yes?"
"Sir. Yahaan par ek hi ticket office hai platform ticket ke liye?" (Is there only one platform ticket office here?)
After his affirmative answer, I asked, "Kitna fine bharna padega ticket officer ne pakda toh?" (How much fine will I have to pay if caught by the ticket officer?)
He smiled. Kept the phone down. "Usko bolna ke Mishraji se baat hui hai. Mai hoon Mishra. Batai do usko", he said in his Bihari accent. (I am Mr.Mishra. Tell him that you have spoken to me)
Problem one solved.
Then the train arrives. My sister jumps on me, literally. She hadn't seen me for 5 months. We decide to hire some help for the bags. The coolie starts loading the bags and when he is almost done he names a price near 120 rupees. We all look at him in bewilderment and instruct him to unload the bags. We keep negotiating. Another man arrives on my right. He asks, "Taxi?"
I start negotiating with him about the taxi price which he thinks should be 250 rupees.
Typical bhendi bazaar scenario. Dus ka beees, dus ka beees.
Finally, after some hilarious numbers are thrown around, I manage to get the services of the coolie for 80 rupees and the taxi for whatever the taxi meter says plus 70 rupees(baggage). I ended up paying the taxi driver a total of 200 rupees. Money well saved I'd say.
God, I love bargaining. Just love it. Mumbai rocks!
I see an old man walking in the middle of the 'road' with a stick. I put an arm around him and took him to the side, saying, "Uncle, side mein aa jao. Gaadi lag jayegi." (Uncle, please come aside. You might get hit by a car). His smile was worth millions.
We tired to look for the ticket office. Supposedly we needed a platform ticket. The queue went on for miles. There were approximately 235 people standing in the line. It would have taken us about an hour to get to the counter and purchase the 2 rupee ticket. The train was scheduled to arrive in 25 mins.
Jigar said, "Ab kya?" (What now?)
"We'll go without the ticket onto the platform, what else?" was my answer.
"Paagal hai kya?" (Are you mad?)
"No other option, boss. We'll pay the fine. Whatever it is. 100-120 rupees."
Suddenly I had a wild idea. I told him to wait while I bugged the station master. I knocked and entered. He was on the phone but entertained me. "Yes?"
"Sir. Yahaan par ek hi ticket office hai platform ticket ke liye?" (Is there only one platform ticket office here?)
After his affirmative answer, I asked, "Kitna fine bharna padega ticket officer ne pakda toh?" (How much fine will I have to pay if caught by the ticket officer?)
He smiled. Kept the phone down. "Usko bolna ke Mishraji se baat hui hai. Mai hoon Mishra. Batai do usko", he said in his Bihari accent. (I am Mr.Mishra. Tell him that you have spoken to me)
Problem one solved.
Then the train arrives. My sister jumps on me, literally. She hadn't seen me for 5 months. We decide to hire some help for the bags. The coolie starts loading the bags and when he is almost done he names a price near 120 rupees. We all look at him in bewilderment and instruct him to unload the bags. We keep negotiating. Another man arrives on my right. He asks, "Taxi?"
I start negotiating with him about the taxi price which he thinks should be 250 rupees.
Typical bhendi bazaar scenario. Dus ka beees, dus ka beees.
Finally, after some hilarious numbers are thrown around, I manage to get the services of the coolie for 80 rupees and the taxi for whatever the taxi meter says plus 70 rupees(baggage). I ended up paying the taxi driver a total of 200 rupees. Money well saved I'd say.
God, I love bargaining. Just love it. Mumbai rocks!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Turbulence
I've seen shaky wings before. But this was something different. Amidst the turbulent conditions, the joint of the wing and the 2nd engine of the Boeing 747-400 looked weak. I kept a close eye on it for the first leg of the journey, hoping it wasn't real.
At Frankfurt, I alerted the crew before I exited the plane. Later, I realized that the crew was changing as well. I made a mental note to tell the new crew too. As I took my seat, I was contemplating.
"What if they delay the flight, again?"
"What if they just laugh it off?"
It was something I had to tell them rather than not. I asked for the cabin crew supervisor and informed him that the wing looked unstable, rather the upper part of the engine looked like falling off any minute. He said, "Don't worry, Sir. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." I turned around and took my seat. Now, I had made it a point to not tell him this in front of the other passengers. I didn't want to cause panic. Anyway, it all fell on deaf ears. Maybe if I would have told him that I was an aerospace engineer, it would have made a difference. But I just had a bachelors in it, and I haven't gotten half way through my Masters. I'm an engineer none the less.
As I sat in my seat, I thought, "If the plane crashes now, and I survive, I will sue Air India. Better even, I will punch the guy for not listening and then sue them."
Maybe being in this field and studying most of these mechanisms make you overly cautious at times. I have noticed that happening many times with me. I just know how things work and fail so well, that I worry too much.
I kept both eyes on the wing this time. Non-turbulent conditions made my life easier this time and the flaps worked fine during the final approach.
I got to Mumbai in one piece.
At Frankfurt, I alerted the crew before I exited the plane. Later, I realized that the crew was changing as well. I made a mental note to tell the new crew too. As I took my seat, I was contemplating.
"What if they delay the flight, again?"
"What if they just laugh it off?"
It was something I had to tell them rather than not. I asked for the cabin crew supervisor and informed him that the wing looked unstable, rather the upper part of the engine looked like falling off any minute. He said, "Don't worry, Sir. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." I turned around and took my seat. Now, I had made it a point to not tell him this in front of the other passengers. I didn't want to cause panic. Anyway, it all fell on deaf ears. Maybe if I would have told him that I was an aerospace engineer, it would have made a difference. But I just had a bachelors in it, and I haven't gotten half way through my Masters. I'm an engineer none the less.
As I sat in my seat, I thought, "If the plane crashes now, and I survive, I will sue Air India. Better even, I will punch the guy for not listening and then sue them."
Maybe being in this field and studying most of these mechanisms make you overly cautious at times. I have noticed that happening many times with me. I just know how things work and fail so well, that I worry too much.
I kept both eyes on the wing this time. Non-turbulent conditions made my life easier this time and the flaps worked fine during the final approach.
I got to Mumbai in one piece.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Champions
Final day drama it was! With Man Utd needing a victory to win the league, they produced the goods on the final day of the premier league against Wigan in familiar fashion.
But just the Premier League crown isn't enough. For a squad this talented and mature, the Champions League should be the ultimate target. Again, their main rivals will be Chelsea. I must take my hat off to Chelsea, by the way. After the departure of the "Special One" - Jose Mourinho, I thought they would free fall. But their new manager Avram Grant has managed to put up a fight on all fronts after the initial slump in form.
I also need to congratulate Bolton, a club that I have great respect for. I didn't want to see them relegated to the lower division. They fought well till the end and managed to survive.
Another team that should get accolades is Everton, who have consistently managed to grab fifth place below the top four and qualify for the Uefa Cup.
This seasons Uefa Cup final will be an special one for me. Zenit St.Petersburg are finally where they belong, in the final of a major European competition. I just wish I was cheering for them at the final. I will be, but at the edge of my seat in front of my TV set. I hope they win. I hope they show the world the beauty of Russian football.
Zenit for the Uefa Cup!
Man Utd for the Uefa Champions League!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
303, W Green St. Apt B203, Champaign IL 61820
I walk to a place that is empty. I look at the ground and see millions of my footsteps on the footpath as I have walked to and fro from there. I know that I am going to nobody. To nothing. But I want to go none-the-less.
I open the door and turn on the lights. Emptiness everywhere. I walk through the apartment just to catch a glimpse of unexpectedness, but nothing surprises me. I sit on the couch and look around. Sigh. I see Dhum frying the onion rings in the kitchen. Pal sitting on her comp and making us listen to some new song. Pinky working all night on his comp while making sure everyone is doing their work too. Dream Catcher watching "Sex and the City" and getting yelled at. I see RM coming and going, ignoring everyone.
I breathe the air of a place where I have spent more time than my lab. A place that I imagined even before I had set foot into it. It had come to be my home. Our home.
They say that change is good. Change must be welcome. But what if I don't want change?
What if I want to turn back time? What if I want you to come back?
What if I want us, all of us, to be there..... just be there.
I open the door and turn on the lights. Emptiness everywhere. I walk through the apartment just to catch a glimpse of unexpectedness, but nothing surprises me. I sit on the couch and look around. Sigh. I see Dhum frying the onion rings in the kitchen. Pal sitting on her comp and making us listen to some new song. Pinky working all night on his comp while making sure everyone is doing their work too. Dream Catcher watching "Sex and the City" and getting yelled at. I see RM coming and going, ignoring everyone.
I breathe the air of a place where I have spent more time than my lab. A place that I imagined even before I had set foot into it. It had come to be my home. Our home.
They say that change is good. Change must be welcome. But what if I don't want change?
What if I want to turn back time? What if I want you to come back?
What if I want us, all of us, to be there..... just be there.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
The 8th May Girl
Once upon a time, you were my best friend. You were like the devilish angel amongst us.
I remember playing with you, talking to you, fighting with you. I remember your mom scolding me. My mom scolding you. And then our moms laughing it over a cup of tea while we giggle on the side.
You played cricket with me. You tried your best. You didn't care what people thought of your over-arm bowling action.
The bullshit that you used to talk, the flattering remarks, the boasting. It was fun. It was you.
The way we spoke about our crushes, and then tried to get the ball rolling. That was the best.
I could joke with you, tease you, love you, understand you, miss you, ignore you, smile at you all at the same time.
We fell in love with each others best friends. Yet nothing changed. That's what made me love you even more.
We could hang out anywhere. And be together. We could walk to anywhere. And find our way back.
And one day our lives changed, when you had to move. I never realized that you were gone until you were gone.
I've been wondering where you went ever since.
You're just a mouse-click away, yet so far. Too far maybe.
I miss you!
Happy Birthday.
I remember playing with you, talking to you, fighting with you. I remember your mom scolding me. My mom scolding you. And then our moms laughing it over a cup of tea while we giggle on the side.
You played cricket with me. You tried your best. You didn't care what people thought of your over-arm bowling action.
The bullshit that you used to talk, the flattering remarks, the boasting. It was fun. It was you.
The way we spoke about our crushes, and then tried to get the ball rolling. That was the best.
I could joke with you, tease you, love you, understand you, miss you, ignore you, smile at you all at the same time.
We fell in love with each others best friends. Yet nothing changed. That's what made me love you even more.
We could hang out anywhere. And be together. We could walk to anywhere. And find our way back.
And one day our lives changed, when you had to move. I never realized that you were gone until you were gone.
I've been wondering where you went ever since.
You're just a mouse-click away, yet so far. Too far maybe.
I miss you!
Happy Birthday.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Saved
I start my laptop. Go to my blog page. Create a post. Sit and stare at the blank page and wonder whether I should write what I want to write. Sometimes, I don't even feel like thinking about it. More often than not, I end up writing it. The words in front of me scream the truth, but I won't listen. They tell me a story that I refuse to believe. My mind resists.
I slowly understand the reality. I continue writing. Pour my heart out. Pour my mind out. I write more than I have even thought about the relevant topic. My fingers seem possessed.
Emptiness. When there's nothing left to write, I look away from the keyboard. Stare at the ceiling for a bit. Point my cursor on "Publish post" and consider. Shake my head and click on "Save Now".
I hope that it is safe, somewhere.
I slowly understand the reality. I continue writing. Pour my heart out. Pour my mind out. I write more than I have even thought about the relevant topic. My fingers seem possessed.
Emptiness. When there's nothing left to write, I look away from the keyboard. Stare at the ceiling for a bit. Point my cursor on "Publish post" and consider. Shake my head and click on "Save Now".
I hope that it is safe, somewhere.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Sweet and Low - Augustana
From catching the beautiful tune of the guitar.... to looking up and actually listening to the song playing on the TV in the courtyard cafe at the Illini Union.
From waiting till the song ends to catching a glimpse of the name and the artist.
From rushing home and downloading it on my laptop to enjoying every bit of this song.
From the magic of spontaneous actions to the relief of doing it right.
Sweet and low - Augustana
From waiting till the song ends to catching a glimpse of the name and the artist.
From rushing home and downloading it on my laptop to enjoying every bit of this song.
From the magic of spontaneous actions to the relief of doing it right.
Sweet and low - Augustana
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